Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
