I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
