: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
