Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
