There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
