Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
