Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
