He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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