thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
