You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fuck appropriateness.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
