I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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