You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
