just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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