you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
