you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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