im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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