Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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