a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
