just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude. I can hear the air.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
