my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
