YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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