Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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