I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
