I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
