There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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