i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
