The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
