it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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