Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
