I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
