I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
