bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
