So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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