my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
