don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
