i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
