dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
