I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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