Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
