Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
