based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
