I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
