Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
