I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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