Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize