So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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