some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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