Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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