worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
