when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
