The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
