even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
