I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
