GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
did i just pee glitter
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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