Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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