grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
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I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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