my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
